February is a month that brings relationships to our attention. Although there is the superficial focus on romantic love with Valentines Day, we can go much deeper into our connections with others. I love to study relationships because they are a way we can delve deeper into understanding ourselves, and our “issues.” I want to discuss several ways we can use our relationships to enhance our growth.
The “Pushing Our Buttons” game. In this scenario, we get upset or triggered by another person. We can remain in reaction mode and point the finger at the other person, or we can look within and see what this is stirring up within ourselves. The only reason we get triggered is because there is an issue within ourselves that is out of balance and needs healing. The process involves examining yourself to see how you might be similar to the other person. Most people don’t want to admit that they could have any similarities with the person that annoys them. I always remind people that even if you possess the same trait, the other person usually magnifies it by 100. In this way, you can’t avoid seeing it! For example, suppose person A bothers you because he is critical. You might also be critical but to a much lesser degree.
Another possibility is that what person A does to others, you do to yourself. In the above example, Person A may be critical to other people, while you are critical towards yourself. When we see Person A criticizing other people, we are appalled, thinking we would never be so cruel to another person. Yet each time we look in the mirror, we focus on our imperfections, and tear ourselves down continually.
When we recognize this, we see what a gift the other person is in our life. He or she has brought to our attention the need to heal this issue within ourselves. It is easy to deny, repress and avoid dealing with our own issues. However, the other aggravating person in our life that is reflecting to us what needs to be healed is a continual source of tension that seeks resolution. We can push that person away, but the universe has a clever way of bringing another person into our lives that may express the trait more intensely. I explain this method in depth in the book Soul Choices: Six Paths to Fulfilling Relationships.
Another interesting wake up call is when a person triggers a scenario from your past that needs healing. This takes a bit more contemplation to identify, but can be very powerful. Here is an example that I experienced. I was attending a year long metaphysical program at a school. I lived and studied at the college, which was far away from any family or friends. The 2 people who ran the school were extremely controlling and dictatorial. They abused their powerful position in many ways. It was a challenge to speak out about the abuse of power that I saw because there would have been consequences for me personally. Since I had to live at this school, the people in charge could have made life very difficult for me. And, since I wanted to complete my studies, I basically had to keep my mouth shut. Every time I had to hold back my thoughts, it was torture! This situation triggered past life memories for me of being in situations where I witnessed abuse of power, yet for various reasons I could not speak out. This is a deep issue for me with many layers that I feel I am still healing and understanding.
Relationships are our playground for personal growth, so have fun exploring the mirrors all around you. Accept whatever is reflected back to you as a gift from the universe. Once you learn the lesson the other person is showing you, magical things can happen. Since the universe works with the law of attraction, if a person is no longer teaching you anything, he or she may just magically disappear out of your life! If you would like to explore your relationship mirrors, join me for a Live class at Unity Temple in Kansas City on March 2nd. Click here to learn more!